Girl: How many girlfriends have you had? Bruno: That’s a tough question, define girlfriend. Girl: Some girl you went out with. Bruno: That’s it? Girl: Yeah. Bruno: So if I went out with you on a date would that make you my ex-girlfriend now? Girl: No, it’s gotta be more than one date. Bruno: Alright 3 dates. Girl: At least 5. Bruno: Alright, so you and I went out on 5 dates, there was no…
"Whatever 12"Category: conversations
Religious person: have you heard about jesus christ? friend 2: Dude.. this is 2012. Jesus? really??? Bruno: Actually no, we haven’t, come in please have a seat, would you like some tea? Religious person: Tea would be great, thank you. Bruno: Alright. Religious person: Jesus is the son of god, our lord and savior, he died for your sins. He died for you and he loves you. friend…
"Whatever 11"
Bruno: I’m sick and tired of this. Enough is enough, this system is corrupted, I don’t want anything to do with it anymore. Friend: Oh boy, here we go. Bruno: Seriously, I’m not gonna worship money, I’m tired of everything and I don’t want to live on this planet anymore. Friend: That’s great, because I don’t want you to live on this planet anymore. Bruno: You need me. Friend: Yeah whatever, what happened now? Bruno:…
"Whatever 10"
me: how have you been? Ale: good, and you? me: not bad any news? Ale: not really me: did you find the meaning of life? Ale: yes me: 42? Ale: nop it has the meaning each one of us wants to give it if you want to suffer, no matter what happens, you will feel suffering if you want to learn, no matter what happens, you are going to learn if you want…
"The meaning of life"
Girl: So.. what’s your favorite food? Bruno: I like cheap food. Girl: Haha, why is that? Bruno: Because it tastes like freedom. Girl: What do you mean? Bruno: It tastes good, it tastes like freedom. Girl: And how does freedom tastes like? Bruno: I’ll explain, if food is cheap that means I can buy or get more of it, we transform the food into energy, so cheap…
"About food"
Girl: I don’t know what to do with my life. Bruno: Me neither. Girl: What can we do? Bruno: Nothing. Girl: We have to do something. Bruno: No, we don’t. Girl: I feel like we have to do something. Bruno: How about no? Girl: Yes, let’s do something Bruno: Nah. Girl: We should do something. Bruno: How about we don’t? Girl: Oh, you are such a boring person. Bruno: That’s relative. Girl: Everything’s relative. Bruno:…
"Whatever 9"
Friend: Hey there. Bruno: Hey, how’s it going? Friend: I feel terrible, just had an argument with my parents. Bruno: Why? What happened? Friend: Well, I want to go on a holiday, but they don’t want me to go. What do you think I should do? Bruno: Mmm.. that sounds like a typical first world problem. And the solution is usually the same, just brush it off. Friend: What do you mean “first world problem”?…
"Whatever 8"
Guilt: It’s 3 o’clock. Bruno: So? Guilt: So, the gym closes at 5? Bruno: So? Guilt: So you should be on your way already. Bruno: What’s that? I should??? Guilt: Yes, because if you don’t you’re gonna feel guilty later today, and if you don’t get yourself tired you won’t be able to sleep well tonight. Bruno: F***k that s***t, I’ll sleep anyway. Guilt: No you won’t and you know it. Bruno: Well, I’m not…
"Go to the gym"
Bruno: Let’s shave our heads today! Friend: What? Where did that come from? Bruno: Let’s shave our heads, baby! Friend: What? You call yourself baby now? Bruno: Yeah baby. Friend: Ok baby, let’s shave. Bruno: What? Wait, are you sure of this? Friend: No. But you just said so, I’ll just play along. Bruno: You’re not supposed to play along, you’re supposed to bring me down to earth and tell me it’s a silly idea.…
"Shave your head"
Friend: have you ever thought about having a baby? Bruno: Not really, I think we have way too many people already on this planet, we don’t need anymore. Friend: But it’s the circle of life, we have to keep procreating. Bruno: Indefinitely? Friend: Yes, like the stupid animals we are. Bruno: But… almost 7.000.000.000 people already and counting, one million more people every four days, every second 2 people are born, isn’t that enough? It’s…
"Whatever 7"