What do you think about China? Well that depends Depends on what? On the motive behind the question, if you’re just being polite and making small talk I should follow suit and reply that it’s a really nice place, great food, great people. But if you really want to know what I think about China, I actually have a list of all the things that are wrong and how to fix each and one…"Whatever 19"
What do you do for a living? I’m a french maid. Really? I don’t believe you, you look like middle eastern or something. Can be a french maid still. I don’t think so, do you even French? No, but I maid. Do you even gee? Gee gee gee gee? I knew someone like that. A girl I hope. Yes, a girl, she was lovely and I often wondered, how many people get to feel something…"whatever 18"
Why do you always talk to yourself? Because I’m crazy? You are peculiar. We agreed not to use the C word, remember? Ok, then because I’m peculiar. And why is that? Because I’m not good with people And you know why? Because I’m different somehow? We are all different in some ways. But I’m special. In which way? In the way that I enjoy conversations with myself more than with other people. And why…"Whatever 17"
Girl: I think we need to talk. Bruno: Sure what’s up? Girl: Well, you know, we’ve been dating for a few years already… Bruno: And? Girl: And it’s time to take things a step further. Bruno: What do you mean? Girl: Well, you know. Bruno: But, I told you already, I don’t enjoy that as much as you do. Girl: No, not that, I think we should get married. Bruno: Really? Girl: Yes, I think…"Whatever 16"
Friend: What do you want to do today? Bruno: I want to move to Taiwan for good. Friend: Why Taiwan? Bruno: No special reason, just a feeling, I know I should move there but I don’t know the reason. Friend: Funny. Bruno: Not funny. Friend: So why don’t you move there, if you know that’s what you should be doing? Bruno: well, you’ve never felt like you know that what you’re doing is not the…"whatever 13"
Girl: How many girlfriends have you had? Bruno: That’s a tough question, define girlfriend. Girl: Some girl you went out with. Bruno: That’s it? Girl: Yeah. Bruno: So if I went out with you on a date would that make you my ex-girlfriend now? Girl: No, it’s gotta be more than one date. Bruno: Alright 3 dates. Girl: At least 5. Bruno: Alright, so you and I went out on 5 dates, there was no…"Whatever 12"
Religious person: have you heard about jesus christ? friend 2: Dude.. this is 2012. Jesus? really??? Bruno: Actually no, we haven’t, come in please have a seat, would you like some tea? Religious person: Tea would be great, thank you. Bruno: Alright. Religious person: Jesus is the son of god, our lord and savior, he died for your sins. He died for you and he loves you. friend…"Whatever 11"
Bruno: I’m sick and tired of this. Enough is enough, this system is corrupted, I don’t want anything to do with it anymore. Friend: Oh boy, here we go. Bruno: Seriously, I’m not gonna worship money, I’m tired of everything and I don’t want to live on this planet anymore. Friend: That’s great, because I don’t want you to live on this planet anymore. Bruno: You need me. Friend: Yeah whatever, what happened now? Bruno:…"Whatever 10"
Friend: Hey there. Bruno: Hey, how’s it going? Friend: I feel terrible, just had an argument with my parents. Bruno: Why? What happened? Friend: Well, I want to go on a holiday, but they don’t want me to go. What do you think I should do? Bruno: Mmm.. that sounds like a typical first world problem. And the solution is usually the same, just brush it off. Friend: What do you mean “first world problem”?…"Whatever 8"
Friend: have you ever thought about having a baby? Bruno: Not really, I think we have way too many people already on this planet, we don’t need anymore. Friend: But it’s the circle of life, we have to keep procreating. Bruno: Indefinitely? Friend: Yes, like the stupid animals we are. Bruno: But… almost 7.000.000.000 people already and counting, one million more people every four days, every second 2 people are born, isn’t that enough? It’s…"Whatever 7"