Someone that I’ve never known

The other day, I was talking to a friend while we were waiting to shoot some scenes and the subject of western-Asian relationships popped up.

She’s originally from north america, but has been living in Korea for a number of years now, and had the chance to date a bunch of korean guys, so we started talking about the differences between dating koreans vs dating western guys. 

For me as a guy, always find it amusing to hear the female point of view of the asian dating scene. because you see white guys with asian girls all the time everywhere, but white girl with asian guys, that’s still a pretty rare sight.

After talking about it for a while, she told me how she hated the way korean guys “broke up” with her and the lack of straightforwardness in pretty much all of her relationships.

You know how in the west usually, after someone says “we need to talk” you sit and talk about it, then someone says “it’s not you, it’s me” or “this isn’t working”, then you blame each other, scream, cry, slam the door or whatever and never see each other again.

Well, in korea, you just skip the whole process straight to the never see each other again part. The guys will just stop calling her and wont pick up her calls from one day to the other for no apparent reason.

But in the west we usually need that close up, in order to move on with our life, instead she would be wondering for a few weeks, what’s really going on, are we over, are we still together, did I do something wrong, did he do something wrong.

I had noticed that before, and had some relationships in korea and japan, that after a few years I’m actually still wondering, what the hell happened there? One day we were like big time in love and the next one she wouldn’t take my calls anymore and had vanished from my life completely. 

Instead of somebody that I used to know, she would become somebody I have never known. 

In Japan for example, divorce usually works something like this:

1- Husband comes home and finds that his partner’s belongings have disappeared.

2- He finds the divorce papers on the table or are delivered by someone the same day. 

3- He signs the papers or gives them to his lawyer.

4- He forever wonders what the hell happened.

How’s that for some loose ends? 😉

And as for my experience, it’s not just like that for dating, but for friendships and work relationships as well. One day best friends, next day total strangers, one day best employee, next day fired for no reason.

We know of course, that this comes from a need to avoid awkward situations, which is totally understandable, but as westerners who of course, still highly value honesty and straightforwardness in our daily relationships, it comes as a bit of a pain, to never really know what’s going on with the other person. 

Because they will treat you exactly the same way either they love you or they hate you.

On the positive side though, that’s why people usually decide to move to a different country, to experience all those little differences and nuisances in everyday life.

And hopefully, hopefully, learn something from them as well.

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