Finding thoughts 1

I went through 17 pairs of shoes during the last 2 years because some of them break after a few days of using them or the sole becomes very thin and hurts your heels.
Dog is very thing and everyone on the street feels the need to point it out, not one but 5 or 6 times each person, they all want to make me feel bad about it but no one knows I love my dog more than anything and I would do anything for her. I give her the most expensive food and she can eat as much as she wants, I buy meat and rice just for her and mix it with pumpkin, koguma and egg, but we run together every day and she spends a lot of energy, also some dogs have a fast metabolism same as humans, also, also, also…
I have been listening to the same songs for almost 15 years now, The Brilliant Green.
I haven’t spoken to a native English speaker or a person who is fluent in English for about a year now, last year there were a few Couchsurfers who came to my city and that was the last time. I actually miss feeling like I belong somewhere, being able to express myself in meaningful ways and being able to tell jokes.
I have a phone number but no one knows it and I haven’t talked to anyone on the phone for about 6 months.
Every day I think of the trip I must undertake next year, my Chinese visa will expire in may so I must be gone by April. It has to be a walking trip, it has to be to promote peace and kindness, there are many poor schools and villages in Latin-America where they would be happy to have me, I know hundreds of songs and games to teach English to children and many of them have probably never seen a foreigner before, specialy one with a dog, especially one who came on foot, or one who can stay a few days and teach in his school for free.
I speak japanese to myself and have imaginary conversations in the ones I encourage myself to leave the house and talk to people and I give myself points for it, points for wearing jeans instead of sweatpants, points for seating and eating in the restaurant instead of ordering take away, points for talking to someone or trying to make conversation with some staff, points for exercising, points for dancing, points for going to other city, trying a new restaurant, points for writing in this blog.
I have to remind myself regularly how lucky I am to be alive, that all life is precious, even the life of the people who smoke in the elevator in my building, even the ones who smoke with babies, even the ones who don’t give way for people to cross the street, even the ones who cheated me money. I must not hate them. I must understand it’s a different culture, with different rules and laws, or lack of, every human life is precious and must be cherished and I have also probably done some bad things when I didn’t know better, the people I met here are just like myself from the past and they need love and kindness and understanding, because those are the things that made me change in the first place.
How to reach a deeper level of understanding and self awareness, as that seems to be the right thing to do right now, first must remind myself of being aware of the present moment and my environment. Most people out there are on autopilot and they want to bring you down with them, to their comfort zone, they will ask you questions that make them feel safe “Where are you from?  How long have you been here? What’s your job?” must take them out of their comfort zone by replying with a song of some sorts, as if we were in a musical, with dance number and everything must try to get them to sing and dance because that would break them out of their safety zone and then they can be free and happy and, and, and,
If the person can speak English challenge their questions with a rhetorical or philosophically confusing answer, example: What’s your job? My job is to maintain the cosmic balance between the order of things and the order of places, without altering the natural flow of time and consciousness of all life on this planet.
I teach my dog about half an hour every day, we learn 10 minutes then rest 50 minutes we rest and so on, she is learning to relieve herself on command. Now there is a bell on the door and she must ring it when she needs to go out, there is a hula hoop she must go through to get a treat. I teach her in the same way I teach humans by rewarding achievements and ignoring bad behavior, no punishment of any kind is needed because only good behavior is acknowledged and rewarded. Some may agree that bad behavior must be corrected but dogs and children crave attention so when they see their behavior is ignored they won’t usually repeat it.
Police are people too.
I read 7 Murakami Haruki books in the last year, got so used to his writing and his style that now I’m afraid of reading other authors because I think they just won’t be as good or I won’t be able to get used to a new style.
Not being able to use Facebook in China is actually a blessing and a relief of some sort, when I went there using a VPN I got so saturated with information that felt like my brain was overheating. I know all my friends and family are there and they want to contact me and I am happy for that but Facebook requires a strong deal of mental endurance and patience and time and effort, it’s not for everyone.
A simple frugal life leads to happiness but just how simple is simple and where is the line between a socially and environmentally responsible person and homeless extremist?
Is that Spanish on your shirt?
Another idea for the trip in Latin America, as I can speak their language well is traveling with a sign that says something like “I can listen to you” there are so many people who just need someone who can listen to them, not offer any advice, just listen. We all have something to tell and what better way to feel better than to tell it to someone you know you will never see again in your life and he doesn’t know you at all and has no intention of judging you.
And then write a book about it all, first from my perspective and then from my dog’s point of view, write about all the things people told you when you said you could listen to them.
If you can’t control your emotional state then you must be addicted to it, and yes that applies even to happiness and peace of mind if you are not aware of the reason why you’re feeling this way you shouldn’t be feeling this way at all. If you are aware that you are addicted to this state of mind and still choose to maintain it you can do it but only after some quick reality checks.
Among the many things you must learn from your dog is to enjoy every moment as if it was the first time and the last one, you know you go every day to the dog park and she is as thrilled as she was on the first day, how can that be possible? How can she be so excited if we come here every day? It’s because there are still some new smells and sights to be found and she is generally happy to be alive and well.
Humans are different, we only appreciate something new the first time. New is always better, after that it becomes dull, but we can, with some training be as excited as the dogs for something we do every day. It’s your mind, you can control your emotions and feel however you want to feel, even convince yourself that this dull place you go to every day is exciting af, but deep inside you know you are just kidding yourself and the real thing comes from the first experiences only, or maybe it doesn’t, who knows.
Ok, what if, just what if, someone has been hired to run a background check on me and then they find this blog and they read it for days to end and get inspired by my writing and begin to deeply understand me and they decide to turn against the people who hired them.
Trust your gut feeling and never ignore your instincts.
And don’t ask me how I know this stuff.


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