Redemption

 

As a child, my mother would take me to visit my grandmother, who lived in a different city, a couple of hours away from us.

I didn’t like to go there so much, because I didn’t have any video games there, and no friends to play with.

I was so bored, that sometimes I took pleasure in hurting and killing innocent creatures.


I used to burn spiders and their spiderwebs, kill and torture other little insects.
 
Put them in jars or plastic bottles and see how they would react to different situations, how would they react when put together with other insects, what things could they eat and which couldn’t how long would they take to die, and what was their reaction to the different stimulus or changes in their environment.


Sometimes I killed some little cats also, not with my bare hands, but I let them die when I could have saved them, because I released the kraken, I mean the dog on them, when I knew she would kill them.

 

Between my 10 and 12’s that was the part of my life where I was crueler than any other.

 

At school I would make fun of other students who were somehow different and make their lives a living hell, I would be mean to my family and to everyone, for no good reason.

And later on between the ages of 16 and 20, those were the times when I was more aware of everything wrong I had done before, and realized that I had to make up for it somehow, so that’s when I became vegetarian, started protecting the insects, started helping the kids getting bullied and between the ages of 25 till now, are the ones when I can understand myself and why did I do the things I do at different time periods in my life.

I’m also in the process of redeeming myself from a few other things, once in Germany there was this guy from chile, who really needed my help, but I didn’t help him for some reason, so even to this day I still feel guilty for that, and try to make up for it by being extra nice and helpful to any new person I meet from Latin-America.


Little do they know, I’m not just being nice, it’s my way to feel better about myself about something bad I did in the past.

People ask me always, why did you become vegetarian, and I usually say that I don’t like that they kill the animals or how they treat them, or about the environment, our health, or just common sense.


I never told them the truth, because I was ashamed of it, and still am.


Never told anyone that actually it was because I was trying to make up for something bad I had done.

And always, when someone sees that I can’t kill the spider, cockroach or any insect that got into our house, I have to pick it up carefully and take it outside, they ask me why.

And I reply that I will spare the little guy today, that I don’t want to make the floor dirty or something like that.

But the truth, that I’m embarrassed to admit, is that the real reason why I can’t kill or hurt any insect or animal now, is because I’ve killed way too many before.

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