That’s what I always hear in my mind when someone asks me “are you traveling?” or they say “oh, you don’t work, so you are traveling here”.
I started disliking the word traveling because I feel that if I travel I can’t live. Don’t want to be a traveler, I want to live here…
So I spend too much time trying not to look like this:
And avoiding words like exploring, traveling, backpacking, vagabond, around the world, world trip.
Because I can’t live up to that, it’s too much pressure, too much responsibility, I don’t want to be a world traveler, I just want to be myself, I want to be modest, I want to be at the same level as everyone else and overall don’t want anyone to look up to me.
I don’t want to carry a big backpack with me, it looks ridiculous, I feel silly, feel stupid, feel vulnerable, my back hurts, everyone would look at me.
I want to blend in with the locals just want to be one of them.
I don’t want them to see me as this person who comes from a distant land, this person who has lots of money to come here and brings all his expensive gear and gadgets in his massive backpack.
And how come I need so many things anyway? What should I do with them? And why should I carry them around? It doesn’t make sense.
I always try too hard not to be like someone else that I forget to be myself.
I always tell myself, backpacks are stupid, just a trend, you don’t need one, you should be different, you can improvise and use things you find around, you don’t need to carry many things with you.
You should be like MC Gyver or Bear Grills, I tell myself, you should eat insects and survive in the wild without a backpack because you’ve been spoiled for too long, because you are better than them, you gotta prove them, gotta prove yourself that you don’t need anything or anyone. gotta challenge yourself, gotta do something that hasn’t been done before, gotta be hardcore.
I wish I could be myself without criticizing others though, and without caring about them carrying a big bag or doing silly things.
I should be myself despite the world, despite what others may think or what I would think of them.
I should be myself despite what I think of myself. Ok, that doesn’t make any sense, but maybe I should get a huge backpack and carry it around so I learn to be more tolerant of the people around me and can understand them more, so I stop being such a prick and believing I’m better than them for not having a big bag and not needing as many things as they.
From now on I will embrace
the backpacker and his friends
I’ll come running from afar
just to give them cereal bar.
I’ll help them with their bags
give them water and supplies
cook for them when they feel sad
or at least will get take out.
I will make sure they are feeling fine
with no worries on their minds
and make sure they get to find
themselves in Madagascar.
I make sure they’ll get good price
and don’t get the body lice.
I don’t want them to get thrashed
nor I want them to feel sad.
I’ll make sure they’re not in pain
and they eat their Special K
make sure they don’t get in trouble
and can always find their way
Let us meet up next month in Laos
says backpacker at the bar
why not going to Macau
the casinos are not far
I think I’ll kiss a backpacker
and take care of him or her
I may even write a poem
a poem for my new friend
I really like the backpacker
from the backpacker hotel
they are super cool and awesome
not like a rodent
I will have a beer with them
at their backpacker hotel
then we’ll talk about their travels
(they’ve been here and they’ve been there)
I’ll borrow their lonely planet
and take a picture with them
we’ll stay up all night together
and watch the amanecer
We’ll sing “hotel california”
or maybe they know “hey jude”
it’s not like I have a phobia
and it’s not like I’m a prude
Then I’ll think that in some way,
I’m pretty much the same as them
so I’ll make love to backpacker
at the backpacker hotel.