How to answer awkward questions and comments from Chinese people

Question: “Have you eaten?”

Right answer: “Yes, you?

Wrong answer: “No, not yet”

Very wrong answer: ” No, unlike the Chinese, we don’t need to eat at a specific time of the day, we can just eat when we are hungry”

Comment: ” Let’s go out to play”

Right answer: “Play? You mean hang out? Sure, let’s do it”

Wrong answer: “What do you mean by “play”?”

Very wrong answer: “Sure, what do you want to play? Football? Basketball?”

Comment: “My English is not good”

Right answer: “Don’t worry, I can understand what you say”

Wrong answer: “Try singing more English songs in KTV?”

Very wrong answer: “Well, you only learned English for like what? 15, 20 years?”

Question: “Don’t you miss your family?”

Right answer: “Yes, of course, I call them every day and I go to see them twice a year”

Wrong answer: ” I haven’t talked to them in a couple of years, I’m not sure what they’re up to”

Very wrong answer: “No”

Comment: ” Eat more! Eat more! Drink more! Drink more! Ganbei! Bottoms up!”

Right answer: “Ok, ok, thank you!”

Wrong answer: “I can’t, I’m full”

Very wrong answer: “No”

Comment: “We are friends now, ok?”

Right answer: “Yes, of course”

Wrong answer: “Means I’m in the friendzone already?”

Very wrong answer: “Oh, come on, we met like 5 minutes ago, why do you guys all have to be so needy?”

Question: “Why are you here? why aren’t you in Beijing or Shanghai?”

Right answer: “I’m going to Beijing tomorrow and to Shanghai right after that”

Wrong answer: “Here is nice, you know that’s the way life is, some people are here some people are there, we can’t all be in Beijing or Shanghai all the time”

Very wrong answer: “Why would I want to go to one of the most polluted and dirtiest cities in the world, where everyone one wants to cheat me because I look different while there are like a million nicer places to be in China”

Comment: “You can do this, you can do that, you can buy this, you can buy that, you can go here, you can go there”

Right answer: “That’s great, I’ll do it”

Wrong answer: “Ok, I’ll think about it”

Very wrong answer:  “You know in English you can’t just go around telling people what they can or can not do, they usually already know and don’t need your permission, for example there’s no need to say “you can stay in a hotel” or “you can take a taxi” because we are actually already aware of the existence of hotels and taxis, we just can’t afford them”

Question: “Do you have a girlfriend?”

Right answer: “Yes”

Wrong answer: “No”

Very wrong answer: “well, hmm… how to explain… do you know what hentai is?”

 

 

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